Your stiffness is understandable. I agree, I myself sometimes feel uncomfortable when they pay attention and brazenly poke at your shortcomings. A kind of outlet for me was playing on an electronic drum kit, read about an electronic drum kit here http://www.forumspielplatz.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=111347post111347 As soon as I connect to my computer, put on my headphones, and start playing, I feel like I'm in my own world. The installation gave me unforgettable emotions and gave me confidence in myself and my abilities.